I want to share a big lesson and experience of expansion I’ve just had on surrendering.
I’ve just come back from co-facilitating a retreat up at beautiful Byron Bay with my dear Soul Sister and colleague, Gisele. I’ve run two day-time retreats and workshops before but never been away running retreat over four days. I was, to say the least, a little nervous about it as there are many moving parts and, of course, I really, really wanted all nine participants to have an amazing expansive experience.
As The Abundance Activator, I was also under the illusion that I must keep myself in my best operating condition. Looking after myself, eating the right food, drinking minimal alcohol, getting plenty of exercise, sleep, meditation, etc. I do generally live this way, but here’s the thing: I was making meaning that I had to be this way to operate as my best, as The Abundance Activator.
So for me to really get the lesson, about two weeks before the retreat I started sleeping really badly and waking up at silly times. Initially, I thought nothing of it but by the time I was a week out from the retreat date, I was feeling pretty tired and I could feel a cold coming on.
By the Monday before the retreat I had completely lost my voice. I was sleeping even worse and thinking “Oh my goodness; the retreat is starting in 4 days time. I’ve just got to get myself back to optimal health.”
So I thought, “Let’s get a good night’s sleep, I’ll have one of my husband’s sleeping pills”. But I was attached to the fact that I must not have any type of drug to operate at my best. So my first step was that I had to let go of that idea. I took the pill and had a good sleep but the cold worsened.
Interestingly, I noticed the coaching and channelling that I did with clients still remained as powerful, yet my regular voice was almost non-existent.
I thought that I would start getting better, but that didn’t happen.
The lost voice developed into a really bad chest cold, more sleepless nights transpired, not to mention a hacking cough.
Finally, the retreat was the next day. I thought “OK, I’ll have a healing session with one of the healers that is participating.” Which I did.
I felt so much better after the healing and welcomed everyone. We had an amazing first evening where activations took place and there was great energy in the room. And I thought “This is alright, I’ll be on the mend now.”
That night I had the worst sleep yet, in fact, I think must have had two hours top.
“OMG how am I going to cope tomorrow” what running through my head all night, which didn’t help with the lack of sleep and the chest cold remained.
So we started the second day with yoga and I thought, “OK, I’m here, yes, I’m really tired but I’m just going to be present and allow”.
I was fully present all day and of service. I realised that I was going to be ok and it was unfolding.
The night came and I still didn’t sleep again. I experienced more panic and fear.
The next morning one of the participants was leading a beautiful Pranic Yoga meditation.
We all went deep in the meditation, but I could feel the cough coming on and felt that I couldn’t possibly cough and disturb the room. I managed to hold it off, I held it off until I absolutely had to cough (not conducive to meditating let me tell you!). Then I realised that it wasn’t going to be one cough and I had a complete coughing fit as I ran out of the room. That coughing fit turned into crying, and I realised that I needed to completely let it happen.
I ran to my room and decided that it was too close to the meditating that was going on, so I quickly grabbed my journal, my water, some tissues and ran up to the back paddock and wailed and wailed.
I realised something was releasing, but what was it?
Amidst my tears, I said, “Dear God, I surrender. I surrender. What is it that I need to know? Tell me.”
So I got out my journal amidst my sobs and wrote.
As I wrote, I received a message,
“You are purging, you are letting go of your old ego ways. No more controlling, no more being responsible, no more separateness, no more judgement of self or of others. No more hiding, no more resisting your light. You are a son of God, you are here to serve. To do this you must Let go and Let God. Surrender, Trust and Allow.”
I then looked up and saw a beautiful Monarch butterfly flying past and these butterflies have a significance for me because they remind me of my mum. I then noticed a little spider on my hand and I observed the beauty of that spider in that moment and was in deep appreciation of that beauty. A moment later, I was bitten on my ankle by a bull ant. The experience of that was about accepting of all that is – the beauty of the butterfly and the spider and the ferocity of the bull ant – but that it was all perfect.
And so I surrendered.
The more I surrendered throughout the rest of the retreat, and the more I shared my vulnerability with the group, the more they too surrendered, and guess what. That night I had the best sleep I had in over two weeks.
The retreat unfolded effortlessly and we all had an experience of expansion and were taken beyond our expectations.
I moved back into my joy.
So the lesson is to have a clear intention, but also surrender, trust, allow, let go, and let God.
Love and light
Jason
